I always have a hard time with initiating new changes. I often feel stuck and can easily get paralyzed from the idea of what is expected from me. I have had this problem for as long as I can remember and now I know it comes from the fear of being truly happy.
As a sensitive kid I had trouble adapting socially and as I grew up it was a reoccurring pattern in my life where I always ran away from relationships before they even started. I ended everything to prevent myself from feeling bad, scared that I would get hurt I shut down and cut people off and it soon became a habit.
Going through these memories and reflecting over my life and all my decisions didn’t change the past. However, it makes me aware of the problem and gives me the opportunity to start over. My way to approach life and what I choose to believe in now is that I only have control of the present moment. Even when I am planning the future I can never be truly sure of the outcome, therefore, I am committed to seeing the joy in every moment of my life in the good and the bad even when I am afraid because deep down I know that I can be happy, loved and free at the same time. I just need to learn how to balance it all at the same time.
If you are looking for a book to change your thinking I would suggest you pick up a book called A return to love written by Marianne Williamson.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.” ~ Marianne Williamson
The quote above is from the book and I think it speaks for itself. What are your thoughts and experiences? Let me know in the comments below.